IELTS writing practice, General Training Module, Task 1 & 2 (15 July 2016)

IELTS writing practice, General Training Module, Task 1 & 2 (15 July 2016)

All right. I did it again.

The text I used for this practice.

Information of the IELTS book

Title: Focusing on IELTS: General Training Practice Tests, 2nd Ed.

Authors: Michael Clutterbuck and Philip Gould

Publisher: MacMillan

And these are my writings.

I needed on more sheet for task 2 because I had too much to write down. Haha.

1. Task 1

1.1 Task

You should spend 20 minutes on this task.

You normally travel to work by train, but the railway timetable has changed and the train you usually took no longer stops at your station.

Write a letter to the railway authorities. In your letter:

- introduce yourself and say how you used to travel by train

- describe the problems the new timetable causes you

- say what you want the railway authorities to do.

Write at least 150 words.

You do NOT need to write any addresses.

Begin your letter as follows:

Dear Sir/Madam,

1.2 My writing

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to request an arrangement of the timetable of the train which has recently been changed.

   Usually, I take a train at Clayton station which is in Cranbourne line to go to Melbourne Central station. Every Monday and Wednesday, I make this travel about 7.40 am at Clayton and about 5.20 pm at Melbourne Central to return. The temporary timetable which has been applied for construction to remove the boom gate, causes serious interruption on my morning travel as there is no more train at 7.40 am at Clayton to the city centre. The replaced bus to serve instead of the train around the time causes 10 minutes delay as maximum.

   Consequently, I hope you will place more replacement buses to compensate the aforementioned delay. I believe that you would understand 10-minute difference in the morning is considerable. 

   I look forward to hearing from you with acceptable arrangement.

Yours sincerely,

1.3 Correction

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to request an arrangement of the timetable of the train which has recently been changed.

   I am a resident in Clayton who works in the Melbourne central area. Usually, I take a train at Clayton sStation which is in Cranbourne line to go to Melbourne Central sStation. Every Mondays and Wednesdays, I make this travel about 7.40 am at Clayton to go to the downtown and about 5.20 pm at Melbourne Central to return home. The temporary timetable which has been applied for construction to remove the boom gate level crossing, causes serious interruption on my morning travel as there is no more train at 7.40 am at Clayton to the city centre. The replaced bus to serve instead of the train around the time causes 10 minutes delay as maximum.

   Consequently, I hope you will place more replacement buses to compensate the aforementioned delay. I believe that you would understand 10-minute difference in the morning is considerable. 

   I look forward to hearing from you with acceptable arrangement.

Yours sincerely,

1.4 Assessment

Words: 154 (> 150)

Comments: One critical mistake I made is that I didn't introduce myself which is clearly noted in one of the three bullet points. Minor grammatical errors such as not capitalising 'station' after the name of the stations. The counts of words were too close to the minimum. In order to be safe, I have to fill up to the half of the second page. Additionally, it still looks better to put a line space after the greeting and before the final remark.

1.5 Sample answer in the book

Dear Sir/Madam,

The recent changes in the train timetable have caused me some problems. For the past four years I have been taking the 7.43, but it no longer stops at Bexland, and I must now either wait for the 7.57 or catch the earlier 7.15 to my work.

   With the new timetable, if I wait for the 7.57, I arrive late for work, but if I catch the earlier 7.15, I must walk around the city for half an hour or go for a coffee before I can get into my office. This also makes me rather tired in the morning and I am less effective at work. I have spoken to other passengers at Bexland who agree with me that the new timetable is unsatisfactory.

   I would therefore ask for an adjustment of the new timetable so that the 7.43 train once again stops at Bexland for the convenience of myself and other passengers.

   I look forward to a positive response.

Yours faithfully,

Diane Peterson

Words: 167 (> 150)

Comments: She didn't really introduce herself here as well. 'Adjustment' is a good word which can replace the word I used which is 'arrangement.'

Notes in the book

The letter begins with a greeting and ends with a formulation and signature. The first paragraph briefly introduces the purpose of the letter, the second details the problems and the third proposes a solution.

   The tone is formal because this is a letter of complaint, and no contractions have been used; for example, I have instead of I've.

   There are 167 words.

2. Task 2

2.1 Task

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Write about the following topic:

Some people think that the government should pay one of the parents of very young children to stay at home to look after their children.

What do you think would be the advantages and disadvantages of this policy?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

2.2 My writing

It is often claimed that a parent of infants must be financially supported by the government when he or she takes full care of the children. In this essay, I would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages that the described policy may bring.

   Obviously, parents can spend more time with their children if they are paid for staying at home. Consequently, it will enhance the emotional connections between the parents and children. Furthermore, parents will understand their kids in depth, and vice versa.

  Additionally, it will be a good chance for parents to refresh away from their jobs, if they are paid with reasonable amount of money. As a result, they can have some breaks to think about their careers and redesign their career paths.

   On the other hand, the drawbacks are also evident. Usually, young married couples with infants are at the very important moments in their employment timeline. For instance, they may be about to be promoted to the next level or they may be responsible for a significant project as a junior manager. Several years of career interruption can be critical in finding the next position, even though they are financially supported during the caring period.

   Moreover, in the aspect of community, this can cause serious lack of social responsibilities which eventually will make the society less efficient. Imagine one society where half of young adults are staying at home and compare it to another one where most of them are working in their expertise. No words are needed to explain which society is more productive.

   In my opinion, very young children can be cared in proper facilities while their parents contribute to the society by doing their works in their specialties as well as enjoying developing their careers.

2.3 Correction

It is often claimed that a parent of infants must be financially supported by the government when he or she takes full care of the children. In this essay, I would like to discuss the advantages and disadvantages that the described policy may bring.

   Obviously, parents can spend more time with their children if they are paid for staying at home, which is a great benefit. Consequently, it will enhance the emotional connections between the parents and children. Furthermore, parents will understand their kids in depth, and vice versa.

  Additionally, it will be a good chance for parents to refresh while staying away from their jobs, if they are paid with reasonable amount of money. As a result, they can have some breaks to think about their careers and to redesign their career paths.

   On the other hand contrary, the drawbacks are also evident. Usually, young married couples with infants are at the very important moments in their employment timeline. For instance, they may be about to be promoted to the next level or they may be responsible for a significant project as a junior manager. Several years of career interruption can be critical in finding the next position, even though they are financially supported during the caring period.

   Moreover, in the aspect of community, this can cause serious lack of social responsibilities which eventually will make the society less efficient. Imagine one society where half of young adults are staying at home and compare it to another one where most of them are working in their expertise. No words are needed to explain which society is more productive.

   In my opinion, very young children can be cared in proper facilities while their parents contribute to the society by doing their works in their specialties as well as enjoying developing their careers.

2.4 Assessment

Words: 293 (> 250)

Comments: In fact, I used the same argument about having a break in order to claim the benefit and the drawback which is an apparent logical flaw. I knew it when I was writing but couldn't fix it. Other than that, the essay is well written in general.

2.5 Sample answer in the book

Bringing up children is one of the important things that people do and if both parents work it can be even more stressful and tiring. This is why some people advocate that governments should provide financial support so that at least one parent could stay at home with a very young child. This would have a number of advantages and disadvantages for individuals and society. 

   In some countries the government has introduced policies to encourage couples to have more children. Many parents would like to stay home to look after their very young children, but cannot survive on just one income. If parents were paid by the government, this would probably lead to an increase in the birth rate, which would benefit society as a whole.

   It would also be to the advantage of the infant because it could have more contact with its mother or father at a very important stage in its life. The parent who was at home full-time would be able to develop a stronger bond with his or her child.

   One of the major drawbacks of such a policy would be its cost. Meeting this would require an increase in tax or a diversion of government funds from other purposes. Some people would object to subsidising the upbringing of other people's children. The amount of money paid and the length of time for which it was paid would be important considerations. In addition, many people believe that the world is already overpopulated and that governments should not encourage an increase in population.

   Although there are a number of arguments to be made in favour of and against this idea, I feel that overall there is more gain for both individuals and society from such a policy.

Words: 293 (> 250)

Comments:  It is worth to note there are some vocabularies which can be used to discuss advantages and disadvantages of a certain subject:

(1) advantage, benefit, in favour of, and gain

(2) disadvantage, drawback, against, and (loss).

It looks like the last whole paragraph can be used in a similar task.

Notes in the book

The question does not require you to give your own opinion, but you do need to consider both the positive and negative sides. This sample answer has also considered the matter from the point of view of individuals and of society.

   The first paragraph is a general introduction to the topic. The next two paragraphs present some advantages; first from the perspective of society, then from the perspective of individuals. This is then followed by one paragraph about disadvantages. The final paragraph does not introduce any new arguments but summarises the essay.

   A range of vocabulary is used, with pay paraphrased as provide financial support, child as infant and disadvantages as drawbacks. There is also a variety of sentence structures.

   There is a total of 293 words.

3. Conclusion

Yes, I am ready. Haha.

15 July 2016

gguro

Find more posts on IELTS:

(1) IELTS writing 연습. General Training

(2) IELTS Writing practice. General training module. Task 1: Self-assessment

(3) IELTS Writing practice. General training module. Task 2: Self-assessment

(4) IELTS writing practice: General training module

(5) IELTS writing: Model answer (General Training, Task 2)

(6) 영어시험 아이엘츠 나라별 통계 (IELTS statistics)

(7) IELTS writing practice: Task 1 & 2 - Self-assessment & Sample answers