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IELTS Writing practice. General training module. Task 2: Self-assessment 본문

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IELTS Writing practice. General training module. Task 2: Self-assessment

꾸로 (gguro) 2016.05.17 12:18





IELTS Writing practice. General training module. Task 2

: Self-assessment according to the officially provided band descriptors



All right. One more IELTS posting.


I already wrote twice about my IELTS writing practice as follows:


(1) IELTS writing 연습. General Training

(2) IELTS Writing practice. General training module. Task 1: Self-assessment


This post is about my practice for Task 2 in General training module of IELTS. Again, the book I used for this practice is "Focusing on IELTS: General Training Practice Test (with answer key), 2nd edition," by Michael Clutterbuck and Philip Gould published by Macmillan.


Writing Task 2

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. 

Write about the following topic:


In some countries people who have high incomes pay very high taxes.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of this for individuals and for the country as a whole?


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.



Here is my writing.

(First written by hand and then typed)


Although it is common to collect more taxes from people who have high incomes, the relevant tax policy varies dramatically by countries. Some countries, for example, northern European ones, apply a very strong tax policy to the top level employees. In this essay, I would like to discuss the benefits and losses of the high-tax-policy based on the incomes in both the individual and country levels.


  First of all, there are some advantages of income based high taxes for individuals since better social welfare is expected by using the taxes for public purposes. In this case, people with high incomes will contribute to the public services more proportionally to their salaries. On the other hand, the loss of motivations to work hard and to achieve challenging goals is an expected disadvantage of this policy. 


  Secondly, stable society is the biggest benefit of this tax policy in the country level. There is a report published by a research group at a university in USA, where the authors claim that there is an inverse correlation between the uniformity of the net incomes after taxes and the rate of violences. Accordingly, a low violence rate can be expected in an economically more equal society which can be achieved by high taxes based on incomes. However, it is also reported that some wealth people changed their nationalities in order to avoid high taxes, for example in France. This can be considered as an unwanted side effect since it will eventually reduce the government budget arranged for public usages.


  In conclusion, the income based high taxes have gains and losses in both individual and country aspects. Consequently, a well balanced tax policy is required to form a better society.




Self-corrected version


Although it is common to collect more taxes from people who have high incomes, the relevant tax policy varies dramatically by countries. Some countries, for example, northern European ones, apply a very strong tax policy to the top level employees. In this essay, I would like to discuss the benefits and losses of the high-tax-policy based on the incomes in both the individual and country levels.


  First of all, there are some advantages of income based high taxes for individuals since better social welfare is expected by using the taxes for public purposes. In this case, people with high incomes will contribute to the public services more than those with low incomes, while they both will get similar level of social benefits in return, which will enhance overall quality of the welfare. proportionally to their salaries. On the other hand, the loss of motivations for individuals to work hard and to achieve challenging goals is an expected disadvantage of this policy. 


  Secondly, a stable society is the biggest benefit of this tax policy in the country level. There is a report published by a research group at a university in USA, where the authors claim that there is an inverse correlation between the uniformity of the net incomes after taxes and the rate of violences. Accordingly, a low violence rate can be expected in an economically more equal less different society which can be achieved by high taxes based on incomes. However, it is also reported that some wealth people changed their nationalities in order to avoid high taxes, for example in France. This can be considered as an unwanted side effect since it will eventually reduce the government budget arranged for public usages.


  In conclusion, the income based high taxes have gains and losses in both individual and country aspects. Consequently, a well-balanced tax policy is required to form a better society.



Self-assessment (with the version before correction)


0. Number of words: 284


A. Task response - Band 7


- addresses all parts of the task

- presents a clear position throughout the response

- presents, extends and supports main ideas, but there may be a tendency to over-generalise and/or supporting ideas may lack focus


comment: I think my writing may be assessed as band 7 in this criterion because a clear position is presented throughout the response, yet the reason describing the benefits in the individual level is not fully supported with a clear idea in the second paragraph. And the first paragraph could be better written by directly pointing out the subject.



B. Coherence and cohesion - Band 8


- sequences information and ideas logically

- manages all aspects of cohesion well

- uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately


comment: I think my writing may be assessed as band 8 in this criterion because the essay is logically organised.



C. Lexical resources - Band 7


- uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision

- uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation

- may produce occasional errors in word choice, spelling and/or word formation


comment: Band 7 for lexical resources because I keep on using "high taxes based on incomes" and couldn't find any other expression to describe it.



D. Grammatical range and accuracy - Band 8


- uses a wide range of structures

- the majority of sentences are error-free

- makes only very occasional errors or inappropriacies


comment: I see only very occasional errors or inappropriacies. By the way, I think "inappropriacy" is uncountable. 



Overall for writing task 1: Band 7.5 


comment: In order to improve the band score for writing task 2, I think I should directly present the purpose of the essay in the very first sentence, and try to enrich my vocabularies.







Then, let's look at the sample response provided by the practice book.

Sample response (from the book)


Taxation is used to redistribute income between individuals and from individuals towards collective purposes, so it is unavoidable that there will be winners and losers.


  High-income individuals who pay very high taxes may view such taxes as theft. If some of that money is given to individuals with low incomes as welfare payments, these poorer individuals would benefit.


  Tax has been called the price of civilisation. People with high incomes can enjoy living in a safer society with a lower crime rate if the money taken from them in tax is used well and there is not a big gap between the rich and the poor.


  The argument is often made that if taxes are too high, this will act as a brake on motivation and innovation, as wealthier people will not want to see the fruits of their labour taken by the state, and may be tempted to take their assets and ideas to another country where tax rates are lower. If this happened, the country with high tax rates would suffer.


  The main beneficiary of a policy of very high taxes is the country as a whole, in other words, society. That money can be used to raise standards of health and education, as welfare payments for those in need, and to upgrade infrastructure. However, there are no guarantees. If taxes are spent wastefully or the money goes into the pockets of corrupt officials, then only those officials and their cronies reap the benefit, and at everyone else's cost.


  Thus the effect of tax policy is not always what one might expect, and the overall impact on individuals and society depends on a range of other factors apart from the rate of tax.




NOTES on the sample response (from the book)


In this essay four aspects are looked at: the advantages for individuals, the disadvantages for individuals, the advantages for the country and the disadvantages for the country.


  The question does not require the writer to take a stand for or against.


  The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second talks of individuals who may benefit and lose. The second and third paragraphs point out how an apparent disadvantage can be an advantage, the fourth looks at how the country can be disadvantaged, the fifth at how the country can benefit, and then there is a short conclusion. 

   

   A range of vocabulary and sentence structures are used.


  There are 285 words



It looks like my essay is written better than the sample response. haha :)


If you want to know more about how writing module is assessed, the check this official IELTS website to see the assessment criteria. There are band descriptors provided in pdf file format. I used these band descriptors to self-assess my writing.



17 May 2016

gguro



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